the first list i ever created was probably a headcanon. fanfiction represented a lot of what i cared about and felt at home in. taking an existing worlds that i (over) identified with and imagining what lied in the gaps. i don't remember if that first ever list was characterized by bullet points, dashes, or carrots, but i remember what it felt like. taking the jumbled mess of wide-spanning worlds and the neverending networks of ideas, and molding them into a format that afforded taking one step at a time. the last list i ever created was this morning. after crafting my daily todo list and heading out to bike to campus, i came across a street riddled with potholes and poorly paved patches. 5 min later i came across another harrowing street and made the decision to document the streets to avoid biking over. i pulled over and pulled out a small pocketnotebook that i use for listly matters like these. i opened to a clean page and begun the list.
on the morning of my 22 birthday, i made a list of tasks i had to complete that day. and a list of gifts i wanted to give myself. part of that list included time with my friends, which i historically hadn't made time for during my birthdays. that night a small group of my closest friends came together over a meal to celebrate. what i wasn't expecting, was gifts from others. one friend gifted me a new hat. one gifted me a perfume set. and one gifted me a collection of files. screenshots, documents, and links that represented how they viewed me. two of these files are displayed above. in these two screenshots, i realized that i have never felt as a seen and understood as i did in that moment. they witnessed my mind and created a collection of digital clippings that represented it. i had never seen anything like this before. this gift partially inspired this website. a collection and meditation on the web clippings that i have encountered or have been gifted to me. ones that i cherish. ones that make me feel.